Smiley Faces

I may be a little biased, but I think my kid is pretty cute.  He has an infectious smile that you can see creeping in from a mile away.  He tries not to smile, but then he can't fight it anymore and it takes over his whole face...I believe Tyra Banks calls that a "smize" (spelling?)..."smile with your eyes."


And because Baby J is so smiley, he likes to look at smiley faces.  If you frown at him, you're not going to be friends.  Smile at him and you're friends for life. 


We recently took a trip to see my husband's family.  Baby J had his first airplane ride and met two of his great grandmothers, so it was a pretty deal.  On the way back during our sold out flight, there was a gentleman sitting across the aisle from us.  He looked remotely like Machete's cousin.  If you've ever seen Machete, he doesn't come across as a nice guy and he's got 100 different ways to cut up a body with his machete, so he really is appropriately named.  Anyway, this guy looked like Machete's cousin.  At first glance, he's someone you might avoid.  But Jay smiled at him.  In response, this guy broke out with a smile that you never would've expected.  He had huge dimples, great teeth and he knew how to smize. 


Baby J and Machete's cousin smiled at each other for the last 30 minutes of our flight.  And watching them play with their facial expression made everyone around us smile.  So the lesson for today is...smile.  Even if you don't feel it, even if you have a case of the Mondays, just smile.  In the mirror.  At a baby.  Or at a stranger.  Every smile counts!

2:30am Conversations with a 4.5 Month Old Baby

When Baby J wakes up in the middle of the night, he wants to eat.  And then he wants to play.  My husband has been out of town, so it's been me and Baby J at 2:30am, working out the problems of the world.  The conversation usually goes something like this:


J:  Hey
Me: Hey
J: Hey
Me: Hey
(Okay, so this is one of the words he knows.  Along with "love" and 'hi".)
J: Hey
Me: Why aren't you sleeping?
(Big smile.)
Me: Go to sleep!
J: Hey
Me: Okay, it's time to go back to sleep.
(Big smile and a giggle.)
Me: Yes, you are the cutest thing ever.  Now go to sleep!
J: Hey


This is usually the point where I put him on the bed next to me and let him kick me as I try to remember what a solid night's sleep is like.  He sucks on his toes.  He kicks.  He smiles and laughs and talks gibberish, although to him, it's not gibberish.  He has meaningful things to say. 


But then it gets quiet.  He has rolled onto his side and is sleeping peacefully.  No way!


I let him slip into a deeper sleep for a few minutes before I move him to his bed.  I get my right hand under his butt.  And then my left under his head.  I lift gently.  No movement.  I pull him close to me and carry him over to his bed.  Still sleeping soundly.


I lay him down and he gently.  He rolls onto his side and continues to breath deeply in his restful slumber. 


I do a little happy dance and go back to my bed to catch some more zzz's.  I roll onto my side and am almost sleeping when I hear, "HEY". 


And so we start all over again.  Sigh.

Presents or Presence or Both?

I'm a busy girl.  I'm working full-time and raising a baby, with very little help from outside caregivers.  My husband is a huge help, working at home when I need to escape to the office or the grocery store.  My mom is a huge help because she's always willing to watch the baby on the weekends so I can go kickboxing or have a date night with my husband.


But there are days during the week that I'm on my own.  Me and Baby J.  Me trying to get some work done or manage a household and the baby doing what he does...eating, crying, pooping, smiling, and not always in that order. 


Normally, he's perfectly content to lay next to me, playing with toys and otherwise entertaining himself.  As long as his feet are on me and he can kick me, he's good.  Except for today.  He wants to be held, he wants to be loved, but then he doesn't.  He wants to squirm, he wants to run, he wants to just lay down and cry.  But mostly, he doesn't want to sleep.  He might miss something new and exciting!


I tried to explain to him that there's plenty of time to learn new and exciting things.  That he'll be happier and more pleasant if he sleeps.  That I'll be happier and more pleasant if he sleeps.  But he won't let himself sleep.


When he gets like this, it forces me to be present.  I have to give him my full attention, take him to the rocking chair, and sit with him while he drifts off into peaceful sleep.  I can't bring the computer and I can't bring the work.  I have to give him presence, while he gives me presents.  He gives me the gift of holding him and loving him with every part of me.  He gives me the gift of recognizing that the work can wait.  In fact, everything can wait.  In those moments, all we need is to rock back and forth.  And it's enough.  It's always enough.

The Mirror Smiles Back

This morning, as I watched Baby J playing on his adventure mat, fascinated by sea creatures and bright colors, I noticed his captivation with the mirror. He watched the baby in the mirror make faces and smiled and laughed at his new friend.

Realizing it was lunch time, he looked away from the mirror and gave me the famous pouty lip. He glanced back at the mirror and noticed that his friend was also making a sad face, which made him push that lower lip out further.

Without thinking, I said, "Who’s that baby?" He looked back at me, wishing I would stop asking questions and would just feed him.

Not wanting my heart to shatter into tiny pieces while witnessing his sadness, I grabbed him, cuddled him and offered him his bottle. As he ate, I thought, "Seriously though, who is that baby?"

That baby in the mirror reacted with the same enthusiasm or poutiness that Baby J shared. Is that how the world works? You smile and the world smiles back? You frown and you get frowns in return? What J and I both realized in that moment is that the baby in the mirror will never smile back on his own.

You have to make the first move. Bam.

So today, even if you’re faking it, smile at that baby in the mirror just to see what kind of reaction you get. And then just for fun, smile at the people you pass. The clerk at the store who just rang up your order. Your typically rude coworker who passes you in the hallway. Your tired husband when he gets home from a long day at work.

How many smiles can you inspire today by becoming the face you want to see in your own mirror?

20 Minutes of Awesomeness

Back in July 2013, I started this blog with the intention that it would encourage me to write on a regular basis.

I have things to say. I have stories to share. And I wanted this to be my outlet. If you view my blog history, you’ll see that I posted three times. Three. And then life happened.

 

My last post was about getting engaged. Since then, I got pregnant, got married (yes, in that order!), had a baby and am now growing a marriage, raising a child, working a full-time job, managing a household, sleeping when I can and trying to fill the remaining 20 minutes of my day with other things I love. 

That 20 minutes is crucial. That 20 minutes is the catalyst for my passion because that’s the 20 minutes that I’m committing to write. I’m not saying that I’m not passionate about my marriage or Baby J because I’m sure you will find many stories about them here, but writing is the external manifestation of my passion. It’s how I share my fire and awesomeness with the world outside my small circle.

I’ve been told that I have a book in me. And if I had a book for every time I’d heard that, I’d have already published a small library of books. Or at least enough books to fill the shelf in my guest bedroom. I’ve started writing many books, but never finished one. But the new one is good. At least the chapters I write in the shower and as I’m falling asleep are good. But they’re lost forever because they don’t make it onto paper. Which is why I’m taking back my 20 minutes to write. 

I just took a class where the speaker talked about owning your actions first thing in the morning. Own it and do it for you. If that means you lunge to the bathroom, own it. If that means you meditate while you brush your teeth, own it. Whether it’s my book or a short blog post, I am owning my 20 minutes of writing. 

That is my commitment to you, my dear reader. Let’s do this.