When Baby J wakes up in the middle of the night, he wants to eat. And then he wants to play. My husband has been out of town, so it's been me and Baby J at 2:30am, working out the problems of the world. The conversation usually goes something like this:
J: Hey
Me: Hey
J: Hey
Me: Hey
(Okay, so this is one of the words he knows. Along with "love" and 'hi".)
J: Hey
Me: Why aren't you sleeping?
(Big smile.)
Me: Go to sleep!
J: Hey
Me: Okay, it's time to go back to sleep.
(Big smile and a giggle.)
Me: Yes, you are the cutest thing ever. Now go to sleep!
J: Hey
This is usually the point where I put him on the bed next to me and let him kick me as I try to remember what a solid night's sleep is like. He sucks on his toes. He kicks. He smiles and laughs and talks gibberish, although to him, it's not gibberish. He has meaningful things to say.
But then it gets quiet. He has rolled onto his side and is sleeping peacefully. No way!
I let him slip into a deeper sleep for a few minutes before I move him to his bed. I get my right hand under his butt. And then my left under his head. I lift gently. No movement. I pull him close to me and carry him over to his bed. Still sleeping soundly.
I lay him down and he gently. He rolls onto his side and continues to breath deeply in his restful slumber.
I do a little happy dance and go back to my bed to catch some more zzz's. I roll onto my side and am almost sleeping when I hear, "HEY".
And so we start all over again. Sigh.
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Presents or Presence or Both?
I'm a busy girl. I'm working full-time and raising a baby, with very little help from outside caregivers. My husband is a huge help, working at home when I need to escape to the office or the grocery store. My mom is a huge help because she's always willing to watch the baby on the weekends so I can go kickboxing or have a date night with my husband.
But there are days during the week that I'm on my own. Me and Baby J. Me trying to get some work done or manage a household and the baby doing what he does...eating, crying, pooping, smiling, and not always in that order.
Normally, he's perfectly content to lay next to me, playing with toys and otherwise entertaining himself. As long as his feet are on me and he can kick me, he's good. Except for today. He wants to be held, he wants to be loved, but then he doesn't. He wants to squirm, he wants to run, he wants to just lay down and cry. But mostly, he doesn't want to sleep. He might miss something new and exciting!
I tried to explain to him that there's plenty of time to learn new and exciting things. That he'll be happier and more pleasant if he sleeps. That I'll be happier and more pleasant if he sleeps. But he won't let himself sleep.
When he gets like this, it forces me to be present. I have to give him my full attention, take him to the rocking chair, and sit with him while he drifts off into peaceful sleep. I can't bring the computer and I can't bring the work. I have to give him presence, while he gives me presents. He gives me the gift of holding him and loving him with every part of me. He gives me the gift of recognizing that the work can wait. In fact, everything can wait. In those moments, all we need is to rock back and forth. And it's enough. It's always enough.
But there are days during the week that I'm on my own. Me and Baby J. Me trying to get some work done or manage a household and the baby doing what he does...eating, crying, pooping, smiling, and not always in that order.
Normally, he's perfectly content to lay next to me, playing with toys and otherwise entertaining himself. As long as his feet are on me and he can kick me, he's good. Except for today. He wants to be held, he wants to be loved, but then he doesn't. He wants to squirm, he wants to run, he wants to just lay down and cry. But mostly, he doesn't want to sleep. He might miss something new and exciting!
I tried to explain to him that there's plenty of time to learn new and exciting things. That he'll be happier and more pleasant if he sleeps. That I'll be happier and more pleasant if he sleeps. But he won't let himself sleep.
When he gets like this, it forces me to be present. I have to give him my full attention, take him to the rocking chair, and sit with him while he drifts off into peaceful sleep. I can't bring the computer and I can't bring the work. I have to give him presence, while he gives me presents. He gives me the gift of holding him and loving him with every part of me. He gives me the gift of recognizing that the work can wait. In fact, everything can wait. In those moments, all we need is to rock back and forth. And it's enough. It's always enough.
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